Ninth Letter - By Opalf

My Dearest Friend Astra,

Of course you are forgiven! You must forgive me! It was wrong of me to be so harsh on you for having your secrets. We all must keep some secrets, me included. And no, I will not tell you what I mean by that.
All I ask, is that you do not bring this business of the "Gift" up again. Please. I cannot ask you to drop it - but no more can you ask me to believe it. Please forgive me friend, I have tried, but I cannot believe something so prepostrous and mythical as there being such a thing as a descendant of the "Gift" in this advanced age and that someone being me. Let us not pain each other more and simply put the matter aside.

My dear friend, I have been concerned about your warnings against the Xar. They have caused me many a sleepless night and I have not been able to get over that feeling that you know something I do not. But, as I reflect on these things, I must give allowance for the fact that you have never met the Xar. How can you judge someone from such a distance? I have trusted you before, but in this instance I trust my judgement of a man I have grown to know so well more than yours of a man you have yet to set eyes upon. In this also, let us not approach the subject either.

So, you are in Rust Ridge, are you? And it sounds as though you are having quite an exciting adventure at that. I do not envy you though. We have had our share of adventures together and I am content to laze my time away in luxury and splendor. I do hope Silvia is not too much of a burden on you, she does have a bit of a tendency to lose her nerve in a situation more intense than baking her Milk Pies. But don't forget that her spells can be quite useful and they are what got you out of Quest safely. Do not put her off so very easily. And at the Swandre's no less! Have you forgotten that my good mother and theirs had a bit of an argument over the butter and cream of their good Brown Woc and we had to make a rather hasty retreat? Or perhaps you were not with us that trip. But, no matter. If you are to leave Silvia somewhere, I would suggest the Buckners, as they are also in Skye Falls and have a girl near her age and they got on famously last Winter Fair we were there. But if you are intent on setting her off somewhere, I dare say you'll have to tell her about it sometime and you may as well ask her opinion on her residence. Just be certain you are gentle and she has a good warm cup of Goca while you are talking.
So, you are not fond of this Gale? I am afraid I have little pity on your behalf. He sounds wonderful, rendering you such a service. I should think you would be grateful to him. But I don't pretend to know what you feel towards men that are over six feet and have a shocking amount of visible muscle and Changing eyes. Am I write in my guess? Yes, you were always one to have something against the strong male's who on their part always had a bit of a partiality to yourself, though you were always hard pressed to admit it. There, in some cases I believe I do know you better than you do yourself.
Well, if we are to be confessing faults, I have one, one that has been racking my soul with torment these past eighteen hours. But in my usual form, I will narrate these past six days for you.
Every morning, I made it to the Garden as early as possible, anxious to show that I was eager to fulfill my promise and that I rather enjoyed it. But no matter how early I tried to be, the Xar was always there waiting, sitting on the Marbel bench, looking for all the world as if he were about to set out on his favorite pastime of hunting, rather than go on a walk with me.
We would take our walk, at times deep in conversation, at others deep in our own thoughts. The silence always companionable and the talk always comfortable. There are few subjects we have not broached at some point or other, including those of our personal lives. You may be shocked at this degree of friendship, but from the moment I met the Xar, it has seemed impossible for me to hide what I feel and think from him and I confess, I have had little inclination to do so. And I will go as far to say that I believe he feels the same way towards me. He has told me things that I dare say he has told none else and I have done likewise. But I will not further bore or anger you, be your feelings what they may.
After our walks, I spend the day Recording what little I am asked to and perusing the library or grounds, whatever suits my fancy at the time.
At five sharp, I join the Xar and his guests for dinner, followed by a Lounge in the Throne Room, where I have come across some of the most extraoridinary people and conversations. But again, I will not bore you with these details.
This is the regular routine of my day and it has not varied much in the past six. But what is of importance, is these last eighteen hours.
The Xar and I went on our usual walk yester-morning, only to end with the sad news of his going away for a week. With my usual stanch abilities, I kept a good face, but I could not help but acknowledge as I came back to my rooms, that I felt a keen sense of heartache deep in my chest at this sudden removal of my daily pleasures and company. I sat thinking for some time, and eventually came to the conclusion that I feel a deep sense of connection and affection for the Xar. I feel keenly that I do not like his being away and I think there is a rather large chance of my being deeply in love.
But do not fret my friend, as I came to the conclusion that this diagnosis of my feelings must be correct, I also acknowledged the fact that, in the situation I am in, these feelings are useless and apt to be annoying. Therefore, I have resolved to rid myself of them at the earliest possible moment. But in my duties as a friend, I felt I should tell you how I feel and why your warnings against the Xar have affected me so strongly.
I intend to be fully cured of this fancy by the coming week when he returns. After all, I cannot let something like fanciful love stand in the way of saving the world now, can I?
(In case you did not catch my flik, that was a joke.)
The Night of Rudeth is in one month exactly. I must give my answer to the Xar in two weeks. Do not worry, I will keep my promise to you, old friend, and stay firm in the negative to him.

Yours always,
Xandra

P.S.
Be careful of the Flaggans. And do not scorn what help you can get, even if it is from someone you detest so much as Gale. And if you would, give him my deepest thanks for saving your life and keeping you in a vicious temper. You may keep the last bit off if you wish.

P.S.S.
I believe when you say "follow your soul", you are referring to that long conversation we had that night in Dernde about whether it is better to follow your head or your heart and I believe we came to the conclusion that it is best to follow your soul, for soul is a balance comprised of the Spirit, Mind, and Body.
If this is so, I will do my best to follow my soul, if it is truly the soul that tells you what is right and what is wrong. But I cannot guarantee that I will always have the wisdom to define between soul and heart.